Mini Me

This week it became obvious that my daughter is my mini me.

Most mornings I get ready and leave for work while the kids are eating breakfast.  I typically give them hugs and kisses for the day when they are still in their jammies, and daddy has the morning responsibility of getting them dressed and out the door for school.  Wednesday I wore skinny jeans, boots and a random top to work. Wednesday I got home and Miss J had on HER skinny jeans, boots and a top. Thursday I had to dress up and wore a dress, boots and jeans jacket.  I got home on Thursday and Jenna had a dress on with boots.  Friday I was looking forward to spring and wore a long, bright skirt with boots and a denim shirt.  I got home on Friday and Jenna was wearing a long skirt with boots.  She has recently also decided that she wants her bangs to "go to the side like yours, mommy."

I see my daughter's infectious smile, I hear her hearty laugh, I experience her confidence and her independent streak on a daily basis.  I see her love her body and the way it moves when she dances and twirls. I understand her need to be right, her need to follow the rules, her need to befriend everyone and her hurt and frustration when friends promise to play with her, but don't follow through on their promise.  She is as strong as she is sensitive.

And I never want her to lose those characteristics.

I especially never want her to change her opinion of herself because of how I talk about myself or treat myself.  She is watching.  Every day.  From the way I interact with people to the way I talk about myself, from the way I talk about eating and exercising to the way I dress.  She is watching.  With beautiful brown eyes full of awe, innocence and confidence.

I want to shrink away from her watching eyes and ask her not to emulate me.  I want to tell her I am not perfect and she can do so much better.  But to her, to my sweet daughter, I AM PERFECT.  Whether or not she realizes it, she sees her future in my present.

And because of that I will keep trying.

I will continue to watch my words around her - I will specifically steer clear of the words "fat" and "diet" when referring to myself.  After all, she is built just like me... so any negative thing I say about my body will be ingrained in her mind when she continues to grow and begins to notice her pants gap at the waist just to be able to fit over her muscular calves and thighs. I will allow her to see me eat salads as well as juicy burgers and french fries. I want her to know food is meant to make her body and bones strong and sometimes three cookies is just fine. I will allow her to see me try new things like knitting while also showing her the holes in scarf I'm working on.  I will allow her to see me set a goal like completing a half marathon or a triathlon even though I will be far from the fastest or best.  I want her to know it is perfectly okay to try.  Just try and have fun doing it.  I will continue to love myself on the inside AND the outside.  No matter my size and whether or not I have spider veins and cellulite.

My daughter is my mini me right now.  And I do not take that responsibility lightly.