Life Sentence

So, about that pudding I mentioned in the last post.  WHERE IS IT and HOW SOON CAN I EAT IT???

I'll be honest, friends.  Right now I feel like I've been served a life sentence.  Yes, today I feel trapped and I want to throw myself on the ground, kick and scream and throw a fit like any good two year old.  I just want to eat what I want to eat when I want to eat it.  I don't want to exercise.  (But I don't want to lose momentum or continue to gain weight. Is that too much to ask?) I just want to lay down and sleep and not worry about the laundry or meal planning or dishes.  UGH.

I listen to Jillian Michael's podcast and she shares some good information on topics relating to health and fitness.  (I did have to get past the annoying banter between Jillian and her producer.  But I'm good now.)  Through the podcast I've learned about the different types of yoga, natural supplements to take which will help your body heal faster, what to eat before a workout and how long before a workout to eat, Basal Metabolic Rate and what that has to do with weightloss, etc.

During the podcast I listened to most recently a woman called in who lost 140 pounds in approximately one year.  She was calling because her weight has yo-yo'd throughout her life and she wanted to know what she was doing wrong.  She told Jillian [my paraphrase] that once she hits her target weight and starts eating "like a normal person" she immediately gains the weight back.  Jillian asked a great follow up question, "How exactly does a normal person eat?"  The caller went on to tell her about what she ate during her most recent weight loss (pretty much low cal, low carb, high fruit/veggie content) and then what she perceived as "normal"... a cheeseburger and french fries (high cal, high carb, little nutritional value).  Jillian went on to explain that, first of all, most people who are at a healthy weight do not make a habit of eating a cheeseburger and fries.  And, then helped the caller by explaining Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) and how exactly a person can successfully go from weight loss mode to maintenance mode.
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According to My Fitness Pal....

What is your BMR?

Your BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate) is an estimate of how many calories you'd burn if you were to do nothing but rest for 24 hours. It represents the minimum amount of energy needed to keep your body functioning, including breathing and keeping your heart beating.  Your BMR does not include the calories you burn from normal daily activities or exercise. 

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I used the My Fitness Pal calculator and my BMR is roughly 1400.  In other words, if I were to do nothing in a day my body would automatically burn 1400 calories.  To determine how many calories you need to ingest in a day for weightloss Jillian would say to calculate your BMR then multiply it by 1.1 if you are mostly inactive, 1.2 if you are moderately active and 1.3 if you are on your feet all day and are very active.  That brings my total calorie intake during weight loss to to 1540.  Once you achieve your weight loss goal you can add 10% more calories in your diet and everything should even out.  That would equal approximately 1700 calories for me.

I'm not going to lie... That number feels like a life sentence.  It feels like I am going to have to diet for the rest of my life.  I am going to have to watch what I eat all day every day.  UGH.  (Positive attitude, eh?)  The reality is that in order for me to add on the pounds that I have I was probably eating 2500-3000 calories in a day.  Some days were better than others, some days were worse.  Much, much worse.  (Just ask me about the time I ate an entire big bag of M&Ms in a day, or 7 cookies within 2-3 hours, or how I recently ate probably half a bag of conversation hearts in two days.  Remember that battle I lost?)

And, I am right.  This is a life sentence.  On my good days it is an opportunity. On my bad days (TODAY!) it feels confining and annoying.  On my good days I know that eating healthy and taking care of my body also takes care of my mind and spirit.  On my bad days (TODAY!) I just want 7 chocolate chip cookies and a pint of ice cream.

I hear that over time it gets easier - habits are ingrained which makes healthy decisions easier day after day.  I hear that over time a person's body craves exercise.  I hear it takes 30 days to create a new habit and only 3 days to fall back in to an old habit. 

Today I ultimately need to decide what kind of life sentence I am going to accept. 

My old pattern = A life sentence that produces guilt, strips me of my self confidence and makes me feel trapped in a cycle of unhealthy eating patterns that feels insurmountable.
-OR-
A new pattern = A life sentence that allows me to feel confident and healthy, provides my body with needed vitamins and nutrients, keeps my heart healthy, and provides my mind and spirit rest from the negative self talk and the guilt that comes along with making poor choices.

I am still throwing a fit inside (!$^!#&!*), but I know what choice I need to make.  Maybe I just need to count to ten and take a short nap.  That helps toddlers, doesn't it??